


Finding Gold

by twindigo



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M, Non-Consensual Oral Sex, Rape/Non-con Elements, more characters/pairings to be added, rating to probably go up as well but for the time being it's safe, smut in later chapters, sort of Levi/Petra but nothing will come of it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-09
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-28 22:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/997793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twindigo/pseuds/twindigo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Found by an officer kicking a guy to death in an alley, eighteen-year-old Levi is bound, blindfolded and escorted into military service against his will. There he is placed under the eye of an eccentric and terrifying officer who intends to break his will for all it's worth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Habitat

**Author's Note:**

> *sweats* So this is my first attempt at writing something with multiple chapters. I was agonizing over writing this for a week because I wasn't sure I could do it but I decided to do it anyway!
> 
> This fic is intended to follow Levi over the course of many years (timeskips or it would be tedious). Sorry sorry sorry if there's anything in here that is so mindblowingly off-canon that it's painful to read. Please tell me of anything to fix and I'll be more than happy to adjust it!

     Levi’s feet love faces. It doesn’t matter whose, as long as they’re ugly and asking for it. Faces belonging to skin-headed men in alleys fumbling around with girls too young to fight back are particularly inviting.

     This guy is on his knees. His knees are on his own blood. Levi sends the toe of his boot to the underside of the guy’s already-blue nose. He’d heard once that if you do that to a dog it pierces its brain and kills it. Levi doesn’t see any difference in this situation; the punk is already dead.

     Let this scum’s brain be pierced.

     As he looks down on the body, at the unmoving torso bent back over twisted legs and a face scattered over the cobblestones, Levi is aware of the person standing behind him.

     “Enjoy the show?”

     There’s a long pause, long enough for Levi to wonder if the man is going to reply at all. Then comes a deep voice.

     “I don’t enjoy mindless violence.”

     “It wasn’t without mind.”

     “Oh?”

     “Would you call taking down a man about to put his dick inside a six-year-old mindless?”

     Another pause. “Who are you?”

     “Who are you?” Levi retorts.

     “I’m Officer Smith. Scouting legion.”

     Levi turns to get an eyeful of Officer Smith. He’s a young guy, blonde hair neatly parted, fucking enormous but not particularly threatening in face. Behind him at the end of the alley are three other men.

     “What do you want?”

     “You. More specifically, you to join the trainee corps.”

     Levi snorts. “And why the fuck would I do that?”

     Smith gestures to the punk on the floor. “Because I just witnessed you kill a man with too much skill for it to be regarded as a one-time offense. In fact, I know it wasn’t a one-time offense.”

     “Been stalking me, Officer?”

     Ignoring him, Smith continues. “I can either hand you to the authorities who will arrest, charge and imprison you, or you can join the trainees and, after a few years, graduate into the survey corps as part of my team and put your skills to use.”

     Stepping over the body, Levi walks up the alley away from Smith and his men. “Thanks for the offer but I couldn’t give a shit about what you want.”

     “It wasn’t an offer.”

     “Too bad I don’t take orders from anyone with a dick that small.”

     “I suggest you reconsider.”

     The light at the end of the alley is gone, blocked by three men. Levi spins, glaring down the alley at the officer, approaching fast, green cape floating in some invisible wind. With nowhere to run, Levi prepares himself for a kick to the bastard’s balls, but Smith grabs the scruff of his neck and yanks down, forcing Levi’s face to the floor, and then one of Smith’s knees is on Levi’s back and his hands are being twisted and bound.

     “Get the fuck off me you piece of shit! What do you think you’re doing -”

     Levi’s eyes are covered by cloth. “You’ll be better off in the corps, trust me –“

     “I don’t trust nobody, brat –“

     “Get him in the carriage.”

     “What –“

     Hands haul him up under his arms and he’s dragged back up the alley. He feels his feet knock against the body of the pervert before he’s turned and pushed hard through a small door, shins knocking painfully on metal steps. He collapses sideways onto an upholstered seat, and there’s a shift in the carriage room as someone else gets in.

     “What’s your name?” comes Smith’s voice conversationally.

     Levi spits, the saliva running sideways down his cheek. The carriage door is snapped closed and there’s the sound of horse hooves as they begin to move.

     It takes a long time for Levi to writhe himself into a position where he can sit up. That Smith guy was probably watching him the whole time.

     “What kind of shitty pervert are you, Officer?”

     “You think I’m a pervert?”

     “What other reason would you have to tie up young men and force them into cars?”

     “I’ve already told you.”

     “I mean if you wanted me to suck your dick that bad –“

     “We’re short on good soldiers in the scouting legion.”

     “You mean good assholes to fuck, obviously.”

     “Crude humour is a thin veil for cowardice, kid.”

     “Says the guy who’s all pomp and bullshit.”

     Levi hears the officer chuckle. “Maybe with a little refining we can get you to be top in the game.”

     Levi sits back, ignoring the strain in his arms, and lets his voice fall flat. “What I’d give to be humanity’s most suicidal fuckup. I can’t imagine you guys would have any reason for getting massacred by titans other than you have a severe masochism kink. Maybe on this car ride you’ll realize what a terrific waste of money and lives your stupid legion is.”

     “Did you use your entire foul vocabulary in that sentence?”

     “Yeah, my first words as a baby were ‘spank me and call me a good boy’.”

     Officer Smith doesn’t reply.

     Unable to see out of the windows, Levi lets his thoughts wander to the scouting legion. This is basically kidnapping, he thinks to himself. Not that his mother would care. When was the last time he saw her? His dad? Nah, his dad would care. He’d be fucking grateful to this bastard for taking him away. Maybe joining the trainees wouldn’t be so bad. He has no interest in the military police, nor titans, for that matter. The guard mostly sit around drinking, which seems like a good option to Levi. He’s a lazy bum and he knows it, fuck any kind of justice.

     There’s a sudden jolt and the sounds of horse hooves stop. There’s shuffling around right in front of him, a noise like the carriage door being opened and then Levi’s shirt is grabbed once again and he’s yanked once again, falling out of the carriage face-first into dirt. He swears up at the officer loudly, not giving a shit if he wasn’t the one who did it.

     “Officer Zoe,” comes Smith’s voice, “meet your new pet.”

     There’s a laugh. “What’s this in honour of? My outstanding scientific breakthroughs?” The voice is female, but hearty and rich. Levi imagines a hulking woman with a wide stance and wider face and feels dread curl in his stomach.

     Officer Smith tsks. “Just make sure he doesn’t step out of line. He’s a wild horse.”

     “More like a pony.” The female officer’s voice draws closer, and then Levi’s blindfold is tugged down around his neck. He raises his eyes to find an odd-looking young woman with tan skin and a nose too big for bright eyes shrunk behind thick-lensed glasses. Her gaze bores into his, sending a cold rush down his spine.

     “What’s his name?” Eyes now passing over Levi’s head, Zoe addresses the other officer.

     “He wouldn’t tell me.”

     “Pssh. Stubborn one, eh? ‘Kay, I’ll deal with him. Thanks, Erwin.”

     Smith grunts a reply and Levi hears him walk away. Officer Zoe rises to her feet and extends a hand down to Levi. “I’m Hanji.”

     “Great. Now untie me.” Levi shakes his arms in demonstration. Hanji laughs, smacks her forehead with the heel of her hand and moves to crouch down behind Levi.

     “Whoops, sorry, Squirt. I’m a bit of a ditz sometimes.”

     “Squirt?” The word washes around bitterly in Levi’s mouth as he flexes his freed wrists. Hanji heaves him up under his arms and spins him around to face her. She looms embarrassingly high above him.

     “Nothing personal, kid, just a name. One of the perks of being my underling. Plus you are, uh…” One of her hands comes down to hover over Levi’s head. “Pretty short.”

     “I ain’t a kid.”

     “Sure, sure. So what’s your real name, or do you like Squirt that much?”

     He lets his gaze drop from her too-bright eyes and instead surveys the courtyard. Officers are busying from one building to another, leading horses to carts and talking with papers in their hands. Officer Smith is talking to a group of what looks like trainees. He looks confident. Important.

     “My name’s Levi,” he replies flatly.

     “Levi what?”

     “Mr Levi. I don’t have any other names.”

     “Ooh, Mr Levi, is it? I like Squirt better.” Hanji laughs, “Or should it be Mr Squirt?” Levi watches her with a careful nonexpression as she laughs again. “Ohh, man, we’re gonna have some fun. C’mon.”

     Hanji begins to stride across the courtyard, indicating for Levi to follow. He watches her for a moment, observing the quick thuds of her boots and the wide stripe of her shoulders, then grudgingly follows at a quick pace. They exit the courtyard through a covered alley and appear in a wider yard, still dirt but bordered by four large wooden huts. Levi can see more of these structures behind and beyond the closest ones, like a small village.

     “I’ll take you to the room you’ll be staying in,” Hanji calls over her shoulder without dropping speed. “It’s the trainee barracks, so don’t expect too much, kid. If it weren’t for whatever ruckus you were in for Erwin to bring you here himself you’d be standing right over there with the regular trainees.” She jerks her thumb to the left where two hundred or so people are being handed their standard issue trainee uniform. “By the way, what actually happened? Must have been quite a scrap, never seen anyone get dragged here before.”

     Levi shrugs before he remembers she can’t see. “Uh, that Smith guy broke up a fight I was in. Well, I can’t really call it a fight when I was beating the shit out of this punk.”

     Hanji whistles. “Let me guess, he breaks it up, ‘suggests’ to you that you join the trainees, you say no aaaand… You’re essentially drafted?”

     Levi sniffs. “Essentially.”

     “Aaah, don’t worry kid. You should be honoured. Erwin Smith’s the real deal, got his sights set on becoming Commander, y’know? He knows what he’s doing.”

     He glares at her ponytail. “So you just blindly follow him, is that it?”

     “Why not? I mean sure, we’re the same rank now, but there’s no way I’d ever be Commander. I want to lead a team, y’know? I think I’d be cut out for that. But Erwin – Erwin’s got his head in the right place. You should trust him. Ah, here we go.”

     The two of them reach the southernmost building framing the yard. It doesn't look too grim, Levi muses to himself. Clean on the outside, at least. Hanji turns on her heel to face him.

     “Now this here courtyard is trainee territory. The only officials who come in here are people like me to check up on you guys. Otherwise it’s all self-contained. You’ve got your superiors rooms over there on the left of the yard. They’ll be giving you your basic training – fighting, gear, etcetera. They’re very shouty, but some of the riff raff like you need discipline.” She ignores his huff. “Anyway, since you’ve been left in my care I’ll go over most of the stuff with you. Over to the right is the mess hall. You get your rations there. At the moment you’ve got weekly ration cards, but if and when things start to get tight – usually after a mission – it’ll be downgraded to daily rations. That sucks, so be prepared. Everyone at the base gets the same, don’t worry.”

     “Do I look like I eat a lot?”

     Hanji leans in closer and tilts her head. “Do you eat more than a slice of bread a day?”

     Levi drops his gaze.

     “Right. About the rooms. You’ll be sharing with about ten other guys. How old are you?”

     “Eighteen.”

     Hanji stops and closes her mouth, looking him up and down. “That’s unfortunate.”

     “Why?”

     “Because by eighteen your body’s stopped growing.”

     Before Levi can think of a retort Hanji has turned again and is marching up the wooden steps and into the barracks. A growl escapes Levi’s chest and he jumps after her, almost tearing the door from its hinges. He follows behind the officer down a long, dim corridor lined with doors.

     “Hey, would you stop picking at my fucking height for two seconds?”

     “Afraid not, Squirt,” she sings without looking back. “If you want me to show you the ropes, you’ve gotta put up with it.”

     “And what if I don’t want you to show me the ropes? What if I don’t give a shit about the ropes?”

     Hanji stops in front of a door marked 3-C and turns her face down to look at him. Her eyes spark in the shallow light.

     “That’s enough.”

     Her quiet voice sends ice straight to Levi’s balls.

     “Listen to me close, kid. You aren't here because you're special. You're here because we need scum. You might have been some tough shit back in whatever hole you crawled out of, but here you’re nothing. I’m gonna break you. I’m gonna take any shred of self-importance you think you have and tear it to pieces. And by the end of the week if there’s even a molecule of the dumb-punk-in-over-his-head attitude I’ve seen here today then you can kick me in the clit.”

     Officer Zoe walks past him back up the corridor as he stands rooted to the floor in front of room 3-C. He can see her long shadow paused at the front door, stretching in the orange evening glow.

     “You report to me. I’ll be back at eight tomorrow morning to start your training. From now on consider yourself part of Team Hanji.”


	2. Cracking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi becomes acquainted with his bruises.

     Levi awakes to a stinging pain in his right forearm. He’s twisted on a bed, his arm held in a tight grip. Blinking, he tries to focus on the pale face looming over him.

      “Levi.”

     That’s his name. The voice is deep. It’s a guy. A guy who knows Levi’s name.

     Unattractive blond stubble comes into focus.

     Who is this guy?

     Confused as fuck, Levi attempts to sit up, but is stopped when a wooden beam smacks painfully against his forehead.

     The man laughs, and Levi turns to glare at him. Oh, wait, this guy, the one with the shitty name. Erd, or something. Dumb as fuck ponytail. Last night he and the rest of the bunkers had walked in on Levi standing by the window and almost shit themselves. He’d clapped Levi on the shoulder so hard Levi’s knees buckled, then proceeded to introduce himself and the twelve other men (Levi forgetting each man’s face and name as soon as the next one was called). Levi had then quickly ducked into an empty bunk, kicked his shoes off and pretended to sleep. At some point, he guesses, he actually had fallen asleep.

     That still does not explain Levi’s arm in the blond man’s grip. He tugs it free and massages the flesh.

     “What?” he snaps. Erd raises his eyebrows.

     “It’s dawn, time to get up. I tried shaking you awake but you swung at me. C’mon, wash room’s down the hall. I warn you though, it’s, uh… communal.”

     Erd swings out back into the strip of space between the two rows of bunks and leaves 3-C.

     Dawn? Fuck. That woman is going to be here in a couple hours. Levi presses his hand to his aching forehead and maneuvers out of the bunk. The room is empty and dark. Sounds of footsteps and chatter float in from somewhere up the corridor and Levi feels horribly, coldly alone.

     It’s when he’s standing in the doorway of the wash room, heel of his hand still pressed to his head and eyes narrowed at the sight of thirty or so naked men cramped together scrubbing their pits, that he realizes he has nothing. No clothes other than those on his back, no possessions but his name.

     Levi shivers as he shucks his shirt over his head and steps out of his trousers. He shivers from his bones.

     His low fat and muscle density make dousing himself in the freezing water excruciating. Bare and trembling, hugging his arms, he sneaks glances at the men around him. Noticably, obviously, they’re giants in comparison. How long have they been here? Levi eyes a bulging bicep warily as he sloshes more water under his arm.

     He’s in there barely a minute before he beats a path back through the bodies and shudders against a wooden wall. He tries to curse but he has no breath. His skin aches with the cold. It’s another minute before he can move to tug his clothes back on and stumble back down the corridor to 3-C. He sits on his bed as his bunkmates return and don their uniforms. He doesn’t turn to watch them leave but views them as a god from the window as they, the other residents of the bunkhouse, and those behind it, herd across the courtyard. The sun appears over the trees in the distance beyond the red brick buildings, an orange sky raking long shadows on the dirt. It’s a sight so beautiful he thinks he’s going to throw up.

     At what he assumes is eight o’clock he sees a figure marching south towards the bunkhouses; there’s a glint of sunlight on what Levi assumes are the person’s glasses. As the figure approaches the front steps, Levi reluctantly heaves himself from the bunk, treads into his shoes and slugs out to meet them.

     The officer is stood with her feet spread, her arms behind her back and her eyes fierce and bright above a straight mouth. Levi feels apprehension curl in his spine when he approaches her.

     “Good morning, trainee.” Hanji’s voice is pleasant enough. “Sleep well?”

     “Uh –”

     The sky spins and his face is crunched into the dirt. Through the pain he’s aware of a pressure on his back, and he realizes with a burning anger that she’s got her foot there. The pressure increases to a strain on his bones as the officer bends down to his ear.

     “Eight o’clock means eight o’clock, trainee,” she sings, then leans back up and rolls him over with the toe of her boot. Levi glares up into her shitty face, at her gleaming shitty eyes behind those shitty glasses. “You may have noticed everyone else started work an hour ago, but I thought I should go easy on you for your first day. It seems I went a bit too easy, huh?”

     Levi spits into the dirt; it gets caught on his lip and drools down his chin. Hanji tsks and uses her foot to wipe the spit away. She seems to consider something as she looks down at Levi.

     “I think I’ll have you running today.”

     She has him fucking running. She watches from the centre of a field, turning slowly on the spot as he attempts to sprint the perimeter. Every time he glances over he catches the glint of her glasses. It makes his blood boil.

     After three laps he stops dead, standing straight though his lungs are on fire.

     “Why! Arent! You! Runniiiiing!”

     It’s that voice, that fucking singsong voice, that insane flash in her eyes and the way she stands, legs apart crotch open like a fucking man, like she owns him, like she could be any sort of threat to him. Anger and chagrin bubble and burn in his veins, in his brain. He turns on his heel and begins to march towards the centre of the field, towards the officer with the flash in her eye.

     “What do you think you’re doing, Squirt?” she chirps as he grows closer.

     Levi snarls, “I ain’t fucking running anymore.”

     “And why’s that?”

     “’Cause it’s fucking stupid!”

     Hanji laughs. “Who’s in charge here?”

     “Me, alright? I’m fucking in charge of my own fucking life.”

     “Say ‘fucking’ again.”

     Levi snaps his mouth shut and glares up at her shitty serene smile. His ears burn.

     “I told you I was going to break you.”

     “You haven’t ‘broken’ me,” Levi growls.

     She shrugs. “The week is young.” Hanji turns and begins to walk back in the direction of the base. Levi hesitates for a moment, and then follows.

     “Where are we going?”

     “To the mess hall. You’re gonna get some bread, eat it, and then we’ll resume.”

     Once inside the empty mess hall Hanji hands Levi a piece of paper. Glancing it over, he finds it to be a ration card. He has it stamped for two bread rolls by an unattractive woman with a wide mouth and proceeds to follow Hanji back outside.

     “Don’t lose that card or you’ll be starved by tomorrow night,” she says conversationally over her shoulder.

     “I’ve gone for longer,” Levi mutters. He tucks the card into his pocket and shoves a whole bread roll into his mouth. Hanji notices and clicks her tongue. Her feet stop and Levi almost walks into her.

     “Do you know what my job is, Levi?”

     Levi raises an eyebrow but doesn’t stop chewing.

     Hanji continues without looking at him. “It’s not to make you fit or strong. It’s not even to make your life hell, though I’d love to do that.”

     Now her eyes flick down to his, and there it is – that ice in his balls again.

     “With each new squad we get a couple hundred or so potential trainees. Now, most of these kids will perform admirably. Some will achieve a lot during their training and become valuable members of whichever area they choose to specialise in. Some won’t do so well, but they’ll get by. Well, they’ll have to, because we’ve withdrawn the option for dropping out.” Hanji laughs once, harshly. “But for those who cause a ruckus, those who fight against the people who taught them those same damn moves, there’s us. There’s me.

     “The reason you’re under my thumb is because you’re an uncivilized runt. Believe it or not this is a professional environment and you lack proper military decorum. If I wanted to be cruel I’d say that you lack any sort of decorum. My job is to get you to show some fight without looking like a whiny manbaby.”

     Levi realizes that at some point during Hanji’s words he’d stopped chewing. He moves his jaw again; the bread in his mouth is pulpy and disgusting.

     Curling her lip slightly, Hanji continues. “I know you didn’t ask to come here. You probably didn’t even think about joining the forces before Erwin showed up, but I’m going to be honest with you. Erwin probably tailed you. He seems to think you have some sort of special thing in you. I’m going to rip your dull exterior apart and find that shiny, special thing in there, like polishing gold.” Officer Zoe tips up her chin, staring down her long nose at Levi. “And when we find that, we’re going to use it to kill titans.”

     Letting out a long breath, Levi swallows the chunk of bread; it hurts all the way down.

     Hanji has him running ten more laps of the field before she allows him to collapse, then, with a snapping of her fingers, she directs him to formalities with the other trainees. Levi spends the next four hours being screamed at by a bald man and resisting the urge to scream back. In the afternoon he forces down a lukewarm broth provided by the unattractive woman and is then kicked to his feet around fifty times in hand-to-hand combat until the sky darkens and bruises form on the sparse clouds. He collapses onto his bunk that night without taking off his boots and falls asleep counting the red and blue blossoms on his arm.

     The next four days follow the same pattern, the same pain.

     Officer Zoe pushes him into a uniform and has him carrying crates, sandbags, wooden planks, has him dropping and doing pushups while she and other officers watch and laugh. On the third day Hanji pushes him down onto a stool and attacks his hair with a dull razor. The pain makes him scream but she claps a hand over his mouth and he stops. He keeps it in, tearing his throat to the chords as she hacks around his ears, around the middle of his skull. He runs a hand up to feel it when she says she’s done. His fingers brush coarse short hair at his nape and card through longer locks with jagged edges on the top of his head. He could scream, he could strangle her, but he lowers his hand and clutches it in his lap, feels the heat of Hanji’s eyes on the back of his neck.

     The next day she has him cleaning steps, scraping his knuckles raw on the rough stone as he works the brush until he sees red begin to seep into the bubbles, working, working until Hanji kicks the brush away and soaks his torn hands in stinging water and murmurs soft things that Levi doesn’t want to hear.

     Against his will, Levi notices the way he stands a little straighter, breathes a little deeper. He barely flinches when the training instructor spits in his eye, but he doesn’t feel submissive. He feels powerful, energy arcing and coiling through his heart until it aches to keep it contained. But he suppresses it, salutes a little tighter, survives a little longer, and somehow the stolen tears of anger mingle with the sweat on Levi’s brow, and he begins to cherish the praise, begins to want and need for that spark. Somewhere along the line, Levi had fallen disastrously and mercilessly under his officer’s command.

     “Levi,” she hums as she wraps gauze around the torn flesh of his knuckles. Their eyes meet over his hand with the power of a solar flare. “I think we’ve found our gold.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow wow wow okay apparently my dumb bursts of inspiration come at 3am.
> 
> If you like, tell me what you think and if I should correct anything that drastically opposes canon (this is fic-verse but there are limits after all, and I'm not an expert on the insides of SNK's military training)
> 
> Also changed the title like I said I was going to. Hope it doesn't affect anything!
> 
> [Also a little concerned about the length of these chapters. Ideally they'd be longer but I just can't seem to pace them like that. Hopefully I'll be able to write them longer in future!]


	3. Exertion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Freedom on the makeshift battlefield.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY SORRY SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! I recently started a new job and that was hassle, but that's no excuse for not posting for two weeks so I severely apologize about that!
> 
> Because this took so long to write (and because I've been looking forward to writing the /next/ chapter forever because I can't wait to put in the dialogue), I'll try and putter out chapter 4 in the week.
> 
> Thanks to everyone who has read up to this far, please bear with me!!

     Winter lays a white hand down over the base. Cold bleaches out the sky and the tops of trees, turns rain to shards and sends chills under every bunk in the barracks.

     Levi wakes an hour before his bunkmates usually stir and slips out of the room. The wood flooring is thankfully not as cold as expected, though his breath mists around his face as he groggily makes his way down the hall to the wash room. There are two other guys there already, crouched on the floor by the basins and scrubbing the backs of their necks.

     Levi strips, strides to the nearest basin and upends the ice water over his head. It is, of course, torture. The shock knocks the breath from his lungs and he lets the empty basin fall to the floor with a clang, but at least he’s alert now. The two guys freeze, looking between Levi and themselves, but he pays them no mind and sets to scrubbing yesterday’s sweat and grime off his skin. He fights the shivers that ache in his muscles.

     He fights the shivers and wins.

     He’s stood by the window of 3-C, wet hair dripping down his back, when the other members of the bunkhouse begin to stir. He leaves at six-thirty with everyone else and mingles in with the other trainees heading to the mess hall.

     Last week Officer Zoe had informed him she wouldn’t be contacting him while he was training on location in the forest.

     “I can’t afford to take you away from the instructors,” she’d explained, as if Levi had protested. “You need to fully focus on mastering 3D maneuver techniques, especially since you’re going to enter the Corps. Plus it seems I’ve really smoothed you out since you got here. Less of that wild side and more left-right, right?” She’d parted with a wink and a wave over her shoulder. Levi had watched her walk away, then had silently turned on his heel and done the same.

     As of today, it’s been three months and six days since Officer Smith kicked him into that carriage. For those first few weeks Levi’s hands had clenched into fists every time he thought about the man, but that reaction had died under Hanji’s thumb. He hadn’t exactly wanted to bend to her will, but every time he pushed back he found she’d press a little harder, grind that much more thoroughly until he was just bones, then dust, receding into the pure energy she’d bottled and kept under watch from those electric eyes. He found it easier to kneel, find a little grace in himself for the officer’s effort, but his core is no less solid. She thinks she’s reduced him to a spark, and he allows her that.

     Though it isn’t like Levi has voiced any intention of joining the corps.

     Now the instructors are taking roll call and shoving 3DMG into the trainees’ hands. Everyone looks much less nervous than they had done four days previous, when their hands had first been weighed down by the gas cylinders and blade boxes. Now the trainees are kneeling in the dirt, adjusting brown leather harnesses and expertly clipping the gear above their culets. Levi does the same, tightening the straps on his thighs til he knows it’ll leave bruises.

     The trek up to the hilltop forest is bullshit; the path is very much out in the open until it meets the wall of trees, allowing ice shards to cut against pale flesh. It takes roughly an hour and a half before the trees are close enough to make out through the onslaught, and soon there is a long sweep of green through the crowd as the trainees shuck cloaks over their shoulders.

     “’M’not looking forward to this,” comes a mutter from Levi’s left side. Erd is hunched as he walks, trying to shift the weight of his pack on his shoulders. Levi sniffs and turns his face back front.

     “Pussy up, Gin.”

     Erd snorts. He continues to make pathetic grunts as he walks and Levi is tempted to sock him in the mouth just to shut him up, but he tightens his grip on the straps of his pack and blocks him out. If Levi is honest with himself he isn’t exactly eager to spend the rest of the day freezing to death in those trees either, but he keeps moving, leaving Erd wheezing behind him. As it turns out the trees, although bare, are a better cover from the wind and sleet than Levi anticipated, however the wet air between the trunks is thicker and – if possible – even colder.

     The instructor is yelling as the squad weaves the path through the sodden dirt, assigning the trainees to different groups. Levi ‘s name is called out along with Erd, some guy he thinks is named Hunter and a small well-muscled girl he recognises as one called Petra – he allows himself a moment to admire the veins in her hands as she hitches her pack higher up her shoulders, carrying it with much more ease than Erd who still wheezes and stumbles behind the rest of the group.

     Eventually the squad shuffles to a stop and Levi can see two 3DMG hooks piercing trees either side of the path before the instructor rises up. He addresses the squad with a bark:

     “Today’s aim is to attack pseudo-titans. The team with the most figures slain will get a reward, so if I’m not motivation enough to get your asses into fighting shape then you can chase after this golden truffle.”

     “What’s the reward?” pipes up a voice from the middle of the group, tacking on a feeble ‘sir’ when the instructor turns his dark eyes.

     He seems to let it go without reprimand, because a smirk curls on his thin lips. “You get special recommendations to squad superiors, that’s what.”

     A murmur hovers in the air, and Levi’s ears prick up. A recommendation to a superior could get him out from under Officer Zoe.

     The instructor continues, “There are a number of pseudo-titans scattered around this area of the forest. To claim it, slice the target on its neck and slap it with this stuff.” He holds up a drawstring bag. “You’ll find one in each of your packs colour-coded by team, just to make things fairer.

     “Secondly, If you see trees with red paint, you’ll know you’ve gone too far. I and two other instructors will be following you and assessing your work, so don’t slack.” He pauses and let his eyes roam over the trainees. “I’d say play fair, but this is a contest. Just don’t come back with blood on your swords.

     “You have forty-five minutes, at which time I’ll fire a blue round and you should report back to the path entrance. Get ‘em.”

     On those words, hooks fire into the surrounding trees as trainees begin the search. Levi looks back at Petra, Erd and Hunter (whose name it turns out is actually Gunter, though Levi doesn’t particularly care). Petra is shucking off her pack and rooting through it to find her bag. While she examines it, Erd leans over and peers into the pack.

     “Are these things just packed with _cloth_?” he says incredulously. “Why the hell are we carrying around cloth?”

     “It’s training, Erd,” Gunter drawls. Levi pays little attention to them, watching as Petra puts her hand into the drawstring bag. She pulls it out covered in green.

     “It’s really fine powder.” She attempts to dust her hand off but her fingers remain stained. “I’m guessing we have to leave a handprint.”

     “Right. Get yours out.” He jabs a finger to the two men bickering at the side as he tosses his pack to the floor. “Go and find some titans; I want that talk with the superiors.”

     Petra nods fiercely – which Levi almost finds endearing – before picking up her pack again and sending a hook curving up to a distant tree, propelling herself out of sight. Levi yanks his own bag from his pack, shrugs it back on and, not waiting for the other two to get their shit together, takes off in the opposite direction.

     The first titan figure he comes across – a titan-shaped silhouette with a padded target at its neck – has already been slashed and stamped yellow. He flies by without another glance, unhooking a sword handle from its holster and loading it with a blade as he moves. He follows a zig-zagging path through the trees, swerving in and out of the trunks and taking sharp turns whenever he feels a pang of intuition.

     This serves him a slice of luck as he sees another figure up ahead. He sends his hooks as far forward as he can, expelling some extra gas from his cylinders for speed, and lets out a low sigh when he sees the intact target. It’s then that he registers the sounds of another set of 3DMG to his left, racing in the same direction.

     Levi growls.

     He kicks off the nearest tree and spins in the air, using the momentum of the heavy pack to swing upside down and, holding his sword backhanded, slash through the cushioned target at the nape of the wooden figure’s neck. In the same arc he powders his free hand and smacks his palm to the side of the figure. His hooks fire forwards again and he kicks off the titan, smirking when he hears a soft “holy shit” behind him.

     As much against his will as he ended up here, and as little enjoyment as he’d had in the past few months, Levi finds there is definitely something to relish in the power of the glint of a hook, the rush of a downward spiral and a slice clean enough to ripple goosebumps across his flesh. The awe was an added bonus. He never got this much of a thrill grinding thugs’ faces beneath his boot, though compared to real titans Levi guesses those ugly fuckers would be small fry.

     Revelling in his own skill, Levi swerves on.

     He slices up four more figures and hovers just next to one more before he sees a familiar silhouette hanging a few trees away.

     “Having fun?” Petra calls. Levi shrugs. “How many have you gotten?”

     “Five. You?”

     Petra snorts. “Eight.”

     “Hot shit.”

     “You know it.”

     “Care to do this one for me?”

     Petra doesn’t hesitate. She zooms forward on both hooks, flipping expertly and landing a deep, clean stab into the target while her legs swing above her and land perched on the thin wooden head of the figure. She poses, bowing, wobbling only slightly.

     “Don’t forget to mark it,” Levi reminds her. She tsks and pats a powdered hand to the target as she joins Levi on his tree.

     “’You seen Erd or Gunter?”

     “No, you?”

     “No.”

     Levi looks around the trees, then to Petra. Her eyes are shining and there’s a smear of green on her pink cheek.

     “Get as many more as you can, we’ve got about twenty minutes left.”

     “Roger,” she nods, then fires off to their left. Levi goes right.

     Levi claims four more, narrowly missing out on one more when some jackass appears out of nowhere and palms an orange arc over the figure’s face, punctuating his win with two slices to the target.

     He stops and turns with a curse between his lips when blue smoke scatters above the treetops. He prays Erd and Gunter haven’t been as inept as they appear.

     Swinging down to join the other trainees, he finds Petra, Erd and Gunter already there and trying to remove the powder from their hands. (Levi muses that it could be worse and jerks his head in the direction of the red team, who look like they’ve just committed murder).

     Three thuds indicate the return of the instructors, each brandishing a notebook. The first of the three, a woman with a wide stance and a cruel curl to her lip, clears her throat and raises her book.

     “We have a winning team.”

     There’s a single loud whoop from somewhere in the crowd, and the female instructor gives the culprit a withering look.

     “Control yourself, kid. By the colour of your hands I can tell you you’ve got nothing to be excited about.”

     That earns a round of jeers, and the instructor smirks smugly to herself.

     “Right, now,” she continues. “I’ve got a list here of the teams from most to least shitty. Winning the titles of Shit Kings of the Year we have blue team with an unbelievable one titan. Get it together, Hannes,” she adds when the kid from before lets out an embarrassing whine. “Next is black with four titans, then red and yellow, both with five.”

     Levi holds his breath.

     “Orange team got a good ten titans in there but the winners are indisputably green team who took down twenty-five of them.” She lets her notebook fall to her side. “Green team, raise your hands.”

     Petra swings up her powdery hand, face beaming. Levi follows suit, rolling his eyes as Erd and Gunter both but up the wrong hands.

     “Well done,” she nods at the team. “You get a meeting with selected officers this evening. Scrub up.”

     Levi tries not to look at the trainees around him. Their eyes are on his throat.

     The rest of the day is devoted to uphill hiking, dragging one leg in front of the other through freezing mush until Levi is sure his are about to split down the bone. But a sidelong glance at Petra, her cheeks practically red in the onslaught of sleet and rain and eyes bright with determination, as well as the knowledge that at some point today he will be meeting with higher-ups, pulls him forward step by step.

     It is only as the sun sets that the squad returns to base, Levi, Petra, Erd and Gunter somewhat lagging behind the rest.

     “Any idea what time we’re supposed to be meeting with these officers?” Gunter whispers to Erd as they shuck their 3DMG in the equipment room. Erd shrugs, wiping a cold sweat from his brow.

     Levi tugs at the straps around his shoulders, feeling his skin ache and sting. He just wants to get this fucking harness off, but he supposes meeting with military superiors in full uniform would make a good impression.He settles for scrubbing his hands with clear lubricate oil used for 3DMG maintenance, hoping it will dislodge the green powder on his hands. It works to an extent, though the stuff is still under his nails and he doesn't have a hope of getting it off his shirt without a thorough washing.

“Hey.”

Levi turns. One of the instructors from the hike is standing in the doorway. He looks around the room at the four of them. “You the team that won today? Good. Make your way over to the officers’ buildings, far North door. Promptly.”

Erd and Gunter exchange sighs, and Petra lets out a nervous giggle; Levi is silent as he wipes off his hands and leads the group up the courtyard.

     “What do you think they’ll say?” Gunter.

     “Congratulate us, I guess?” Erd. “To be honest I’m surprised they’d do this.”

     Petra chirps in. “It’s probably just for motivation. Morale. That sort of thing.”

     “Then I worked my ass off for nothing.”

     “And we didn’t even get to eat.”

     “That’s no attitude to –”

     “Shut up.” Levi only murmurs the words, but the three of them are instantly silent.

     They pass through the narrow alley that separates the trainee base from the officials’ buildings. The courtyard is as busy as Levi remembers it from that first day, horses kicking their feet, rising dust and making it swim in the thick air. Busy and important-looking people walk in couples or threes with papers in their hands. Levi jerks his chin up in a sour imitation (loathe though he may be to act like these pompous birds preening their own feathers he’d rather not be seen as a worm).

     They approach the northernmost building and pause outside. Levi inclines a hand to the other three without turning round, motioning for them to listen. “Don’t say anything dumb while we’re in here.”

     The reply is three meek yeses. He resists a glance back for the sake of his sudden (if essentially short-lived) power over them. Perhaps this could work out to his advantage.


	4. The Connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three months and he still doesn't know her age.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Told you I'd crank this one out fast (to tell the truth I'd already written half of it in my head before I'd actually written the first chapter but uh).
> 
> This fic is also posted on ff.net!

     The inside of the officials’ building is everything Levi would have thought. Simultaneously, it is nothing like he could ever imagine. The trainees’ boots squeak on polished stone and wood floor of the entrance hallway, and Levi clenches one fist into the other to keep it from trailing across darkwood panel walls. The whole place smells of dust and water and it’s cold. Not cold like the barracks, but cold inside, cold in the walls, cold in the heart.

     The streets where Levi grew up had a heart. Walls have beats, if you listen long enough. This building is old and sad. Nobody stops here, he knows, probably save for a mop to tease a shine out, but even as Levi walks he can see officials bustling around at the other end of the corridor.

     A heavy sea rocks in his stomach.

     “Can I help you?”

     Levi turns to the voice; a door has opened to his left, and the sight of the man in front of him makes his shoulders square and his back arch. Officer Smith looks down at him with half-lidded eyes and very little tangible emotion, but Levi feels heat creep up his face.

     “Kid,” he says simply, surprisedly, as if the mere sight of Levi – at a military base, no less – was extraordinary.

     “Officer,” Levi drawls, and one corner of Smith’s lips quirks up.

     The older man moves his eyes over the three trainees behind Levi. “Can I help you?” he asks again. Petra squeaks.

     “We were invited to meet officers here,” she says, barking a “sir!” as an afterthought.

     Smith strokes his chin. “You couldn’t be the winners of that little contest, could you?”

     _Little contest._

     “We got twenty-five.” Levi regrets the childish words in their childish tone as soon as they leave his lips. He watches as the officer places his tongue between his teeth, trying not to smile.

     “Oh, did you? I suppose you’d better come in, then.” He steps back, waving an inviting arm into the room. Levi stares up at him.

     “We’re supposed to be meeting someone,” he says dumbly. He feels Petra’s eyes on the back of his head.

     Smith cocks his head, thick eyebrows raised. “And who might that be?”

     Levi barely pauses. “Anyone but you.”

     He feels an elbow shove into his back, resists the urge to spin round and smack its owner. Not that he could have looked away from Smith; Levi seems to sink under the intensity of the older man’s blue gaze, like being pierced and crushed by the sky. The silence is long and aching, and Levi feels his eyes begin to water by the time Smith speaks again, though not to anyone in the hallway:

     “Looks like you still have some work to do on this one.”

     “Who?” comes a voice from inside the room, and there’s a rise and break of sickening waves inside Levi when he catches that glint of a lamp on thick-lensed glasses. The female officer steps up beside her colleague (holding three foolishly small sandwiches) and croons. “Aww, I thought I was finally getting somewhere. Running your mouth off again, Squirt?”

     Smith chuckles. “Squirt? I like that.”

     Hanji practically chirps.

     Levi turns on his heel and begins to march back down the corridor. A waste of his fucking time is what all this is, all the training, the beatings, the suffering. All the work he’s made and endured, and the people he has to impress are the ones who put him here.

     His hand is on the front door when he is lifted off his feet by strong hands under his arms.

     He kicks, disoriented. “What the fuck? Put me down!”

     “’Fraid not,” grunts a voice, and it takes Levi a moment to realise it’s Smith. He kicks with more force as he’s carried back up to the open door, wriggling like a fucking baby.

     “Shit, I hope you like this goddamned sicko show I’m putting on for you, you bastard.”

     “Mm-hm.”

     Levi is set down inside the room off the hallway. The first thing he does is take the time to appreciate that there is actual carpet under his boots; the second thing is swinging around, intending to slam his elbow into Erwin Smith’s stomach, but his efforts broken by his superior’s large hand around Levi’s – admittedly skinny in comparison – forearm.

     “Are you seriously going to fight me here?” He indicates their surroundings with his free hand. Grudgingly, Levi takes in the room. It’s smart to say the least. The carpet is red, walls panelled in old darkwood. A long, shiny wooden table lined with matching chairs takes up most of the floor space, and there’s a whole fucking wall dedicated to bookcases. You couldn’t make this shit up.

     Erd, Petra and Gunter are staring at him though the heavy silence; Hanji is stood with her arms crossed and foot tapping, eyes not visible through the glint of her glasses.

     “So… Do you two know each other, sir?” Petra offers in a too-high voice. Smith hums, clapping Levi on the shoulder hard enough for his knees to buckle. The officer moves past Levi and extends his right hand to each of the trainees in turn.

     “Mm, unfortunately. Officer Hanji here is currently mentoring him, though that’s taking slightly longer than anticipated...”

     The other officer huffs exaggeratedly, straightening her glasses. “Don’t you worry your pretty blond head, Erwin, I’m still breaking him in.”

     Smith tsks playfully, then turns back to Erd and seems to begin offering him something that Levi can’t make out before Hanji is striding back across the room towards him. His ear is pinched between her strong index and thumb and his whole body is yanked from the room; it takes all Levi’s will not to squeal. She lets go of him when they’re stood back in the hallway, tossing him forward and shutting the door behind her back.

     “What do you think you’re doing, Squirt?” she sings quietly. “You do realise where you are? Who you’re talking to?”

     “I don’t give a damn –”

     “Have the last three months been for nothing? Do you need me to make you run again? ‘Cause I’ll do it.”

     Levi knows it’s far from an empty threat. His thighs burn with the memory.

     To his surprise, Hanji sighs. Her shoulders bow, and the tilt in her head angles the shine from her glasses; her eyes are dark and warm. Where he could have sunk under Erwin Smith’s gaze, Levi feels he could sink into hers.

     She speaks softly, and the words are almost lost under the distant babble of officers’ voices: “You know Erwin picked you for a reason, right? I’ve said this before. You know it, don’t you?"

     Levi sniffs. "I thought you said I wasn't special."

     "You aren't, you chump. What I mean is…” She crosses her arms uncomfortably and sets him with a look so pitying Levi feels himself wilt. “Did you really have that much for you back there?"

     Levi can’t hold her eyes. He inspects the grain in the polished wood beneath his boots and resists toeing it like a child. The truth is that no, he didn’t. His life had been shit back home. The money was bad and when it wasn’t it was dirty. He’d been a carrier, a pusher, a dick-sucker and anything and everything else that could keep food in his mouth.

     Before Levi can articulate his thoughts, or even decide if he wants to reply, Hanji speaks again.

     "Levi, Erwin gave you an opportunity. Granted, it wasn't optional, but by bringing you here he's given you a chance.” She hesitates, making him meet her eyes before concluding, “Give your heart to him."

     That takes him by surprise. He’s never given anything to anyone, let alone something like his heart, whatever the fuck that means. He tilts his chin up and there are a few moments of silence as he considers what his next words will be.

     He eventually settles on, “How would I do that?”

     Hanji rubs the back of her neck. “There are few people I respect more than Erwin. One of them is my mother. She was a chemist, worked herself to death trying to come up with something to cure my brother. He’s another one. He’s in the fields breaking his back for his village right now despite the fact that his organs have been slowly shutting down since he was seven years old. My point is that people are people, and people are different from authority. My professional place is beside Erwin as his colleague, not to look up to him as a superior, and yet because I’ve been so close to him – we were in the same squad, after all – I can’t see him as anything _but_ my superior. Do you understand?”

     Levi looks at Hanji. Her face is not wild, her stance not threatening. He has to look close to see the same woman dropping sandbags on his back as he did pushups in the dirt.

     “What do you need me to do?” His voice cracks.

     “Be professional. You’re in the military, not the kids’ yard. Start respecting authority. Let go of this stupid grudge on Erwin, see him as a person. I told you, his head’s in the right place”

     He can’t manage much more than a weak nod.

     “Right.” Hanji claps her hands together. “We’ve wasted enough time out here. You get inside; I have some business to take care of.”

     She grabs him by the collar of his shirt and thrusts him back through the door, slamming it shut behind him again. He takes the time to right himself and straighten his collar before looking up. Erd, Petra and Gunter are all holding apples – actual, real apples – and flicking their attention between Levi and Officer Smith, who seems unfazed by the young man’s sudden re-entry.

     He addresses the three other trainees: “Thank you for taking the time out to see me, and congratulations on your hard work.” A smile takes grace on the blond man’s lips. “I’ll remember your faces; I have a feeling I’ll be seeing you again.”

     At these last words Erd, Petra and Gunter rise and dismiss themselves automatically. Levi doesn’t glance at them as they pass him, and they, too, faithfully keep their eyes down as they exit the room. Levi wonders if he should follow, but something in him knows the blond officer by the window, the setting sun outlining his fair hair with streaks of pink and gold, has private words for him.

     Though doesn’t look at him either, instead seeming completely and happily focused on peeling something long and yellow. Levi walks slowly forward, daring him to look up.

     “What on earth is that?” he asks in as flat a tone as he can manage as the older man tosses the skin onto a platter on the table.

     “It’s called a banana, quite a rare fruit. They grow on the opposite side of Maria in special conditions. The workers have to light fires to keep the air warm or it’ll get too cold and the fruit will die.” Smith breaks it in half and holds one end out to Levi. “Try it.”

     Reluctantly, Levi takes the half of the banana. There are dents in the soft flesh from Erwin’s fingers. It smells strange, balmy.

     “If it’s so rare why are you giving this to me?” he challenges.

     “Eat.”

     Levi eyes the officer suspiciously before raising the banana to his mouth and taking a small bite. It’s sweet in an odd way and breaks on his tongue. He dislikes the texture.

     “Awful,” he says, giving the half back to Smith, who shrugs and places it on the platter beside the skin.

     “Everyone has different tastes, I suppose.”

     Levi humours him with a grunt, watching the man finish his own half and wipe his fingers on a light blue handkerchief.

     “Now.” Smith tucks his handkerchief back into his breast shirt pocket and sets Levi with a strong, hard gaze. “Why don’t you start by telling me your name?”

     Levi freezes. There’s something in his tone, some scratch between the syllables that makes it impossible for Levi to refuse an answer, and this raises hairs on his arms. This man, looking like some Adonis with eyes capable of physically wilting any person before them, is also able to manipulate his words, his tongue, until telling him your name seems like your own idea and the best one you’ve ever had.

     “Levi,” the younger man growls.  Smith looks at him, smiles and nods once.

     “Nice to meet you, Levi. I’m Officer Erwin Smith.”

     “Like I’d forget.”

     Smith chuckles. “Flattery?”

     “If you like it like that, sure.”

     “Thank you.”

     There’s a silence too comfortable for Levi’s liking. It settles on his skin instead of hanging around it. There’s little anticipation, little intention. It makes him actually look at the older man, gives him time to realise that he’s actually (probably) not that much older – early twenties, at most.

     “Officer Zoe seems to think very highly of you,” he says for the sake of saying anything.

     “She does?” Smith raises his eyebrows, though looks somewhat pleased. “That’s sweet of her. Though I must admit to suspecting she holds me in slightly higher regard than someone of our rank usually does their equals.”

     That irks him. “So you’re saying you don’t hold her to the same regard.”

     Smith shakes his head quickly, blue eyes slightly widened. “Don’t misunderstand me, Levi, I respect her immensely. She’s a very… passionate person.”

     Levi lets his gaze drop and he leans against the table, arms folded, wondering just what Hanji Zoe and Erwin Smith’s relationship really is.

     “Do you dislike me?”

     Levi looks up again. Smith has his back to him, looking out of the window as the sun disappears behind the red brick building opposite. Outside, the courtyard is in blue shadow, making the light of the lamps in the room seem more orange, warmer, more intimate.

     “I don’t,” he answers, and the honesty of the words surprises him. Hanji’s face swims at the back of his mind.

     “Oh. Really? Then why the hostility?”

     Levi shrugs despite knowing Smith isn’t looking. He isn’t prepared for his own next words, and grimaces when he says, “I guess I’m just a hostile person.”

     “Hmm.” A pause, then: “Save your anger for the battlefield, Levi. It’ll help you think more clearly.”

     “Yes,” Levi says, and as an afterthought mutters a quick ‘sir’.

     “Incidentally, how many titan figures did you get today?”

     “Nine.”

     Erwin hums, nodding. “Very good. You can go now, soldier.”

     As Levi steps away from the table, aiming for the door, the officer lets out a halting noise.

     “Ah – wait a moment, Levi, I have something…” He’s digging in an inside pocket, tongue between his teeth. He pulls out another handkerchief, white this time and quite large, and tosses it at Levi. Levi catches it in one hand, eyeing the older man.

     “What’s this?”

     “A reward.”

     Something doesn’t sit right in Levi’s stomach. “What for?”

     The other man’s smile has sharp corners. “Insubordination. The washroom is upstairs, first door. It has brass taps and basins; polish them. Keep the kerchief to remind you next time you challenge a superior officer.”

     Looking between the soft material in his hands and the smirking man by the window, Levi feels rage boiling up in his blood again.

     But he’s not going to rise to that.

     But he can’t seem to help it.

     Slowly, making sure he has Smith’s attention, he lets the handkerchief hang around his neck and ties it in a loose overlap. Smith’s expression doesn’t change.

     “How about I suck those taps like dicks,” Levi spits. “Would that satisfy you, sir?”

     He walks out then, barely having enough time to savour it before he hears Smith’s voice – saying, not calling after him, but fucking _saying_ , because he knows Levi can hear him – “As long as it satisfies you, then very much.”

     Levi’s walking, and he doesn’t even know where he’s walking to until his feet catch the bottom of a staircase.

     He’s seriously going to clean, he realises as he climbs. He’s actually going to follow that jackass’ orders and polish the fucking taps.

     Why?

     Because he’s remembering what Hanji said about respecting authority? Because he knows he deserves this? Because –

     He knows he deserves this.

     Levi is nose to nose with the washroom door when he hears it; the sound of running water. Pushing gently on the wood of the door, the first thing he sees is a small room blurred with steam, In which sits a huge brown-gold basin filled to the brim with water. The second is the water running over the brim and covering the tiled floor wall to wall as more rumbles out of a shaking brass tap. The third is a leg, slim but muscular and covered in dark hair, sticking out of the water and resting on the side of the basin.

     As he considers walking away Levi notices the water from the floor beginning to wash out into the hallway and does as his first instinct tells him to and moves to turn off the tap. His boots slosh through the pool – thankfully waterproof – and Levi can feel the heat of the water through the leather. So ranking officers get heated water, do they? Levi turns off the tap with more vehemence than intended, causing it to rattle against the side of the basin.

     When the water stops, the leg on the side of the basin twitches before sinking beneath the surface.  A few seconds pass. Then two hands emerge and grip the sides, heaving up a dark tangle of hair from the water like a monster from a river. As the person’s shoulders come into view Levi realises this would be a good time to get out and give them some privacy, but before he can leave the bather’s hands come up and move the hair from their face.

     Officer Zoe blinks up at him, seemingly perplexed, from behind a pair of thick leather goggles.  She sucks in the water dripping from her lips.

     “Why are you in here while I’m washing?”

     “I didn’t know you’d be in here. Smith told me to polish the taps.” He fails to keep the sourness out of his voice.

     She frowns and grunts quietly. “Well why did you turn off the water?”

     Levi looks at her, then at the water still rippling across the washroom’s wooden floor. The officer follows his gaze and lets out a small noise of intrigue.

     “Hmm, guess I spaced out.” She shrugs, sloshing more water out of the basin. “There should be a mop and pail in the hallway.”

     “Great, use them.”

     “You use them.”

     “Uh, with all _respect,_ officer –“

     “Listen, you can leave the ‘officer’ business for when I’m not ass-naked. Also, you’re already here to clean, a little more work won’t kill you.” Levi opens his mouth to retort but she’s already speaking again: “What on earth is that thing around your neck?”

     Levi looks down to where she’s pointing. “Smith’s handkerchief.”

     “And you’re so enamoured with your superior officer you’ve taken to wearing his things?”

     He yanks it from his collar. “Hell no. I did it to piss him off.”

     She lets out a snort. “I doubt it worked.”

     “It probably gave him a hard-on.”

     Hanji laughs again, then snaps her fingers at the door. “Mop, now.”

     By the time Levi returns with the mop and pail she’s sitting on the side of the basin leaning against the wall, a white towel cloth wrapped around her and her legs wandering in the still-full basin.

     “Why do you wear goggles while you’re bathing?” he asks, dropping the pail to the floor with a dull, wet clunk. The officer reaches up with mild surprise, as if having forgotten she’s wearing them.

     “I don’t always, just today.”

     When she doesn’t follow up with an explanation, Levi sighs. “And why were you wearing them today?”

     “Oh, I was trying to see how long I could hold my breath for. I kept losing count but I think my best was two minutes and fifty-one seconds.”

     Levi puts the mop to the floor; it’s saturated immediately, and ineffectually sloshes the water about when he moves it. He lets out a low grumble of agitation. “Don’t officers have better things to do with their time than play children’s games?”

     “Hey, you asked. And, actually, I was doing it for science.” The discontent is clear in Hanji’s voice.

     “For science, right.”

     “Yeah. I was thinking about how I’ve never heard a titan breathing.” As she speaks she reaches up to unclip her goggles. The pucker is back between her eyebrows. “I was trying to figure out the average time a human can hold its breath, speculate what might be going on inside a titan that it can run for miles without taking in air.”

     Levi wrings the mop out above the pail as he listens to her, finding himself stung by a sense of fascination. “So you’ve seen a titan, then?”

     “Yeah, I mean… It’s my job.”

     “What do they look like?”

     Hanji huffs through her nose, teeth gnawing at her bottom lip as she seems to search for the words. “Like really huge, ugly babies.”

     “What?”

     “They look like babies. Naked, usually, with some sort of hair on their heads. Most of them are fat. Some of them have really tiny arms and legs.” She draws in her elbows and wobbles her index fingers about in an apparent caricature of the common titan. Levi feels the corners of his lips twitch and ducks his head, setting the mop back to the floor.

     “They don’t sound that scary.”

     Hanji hums quietly. “Guess not. But they’re pretty damn terrifying when they’re pulling soldiers off their horses and biting their upper bodies off.”

     Levi stills his mop.

     “And they have teeth, right?” Hanji continues, leaning forward and resting her elbows on her knees. “And some of them are smiling, like they can see you and know what you’re thinking. But they don’t look at you. Just for you.”

     “You ever seen someone get eaten?”

     “Mm. In fact, I was almost swallowed once, a few years back.”

     This makes Levi stop and look up. “What?”

     “Mm. It was on a mission outside the walls. I was new and I was being reckless. I kept turning around on my horse to look at this little five-metre-class running after us. I didn’t even hear the soldiers around me calling my name, and before I knew it there was this fifteen-meter titan in front of me, on me, and I nearly got crushed under its feet. I tried to outrun it but it grabbed me, hung me over its face by my leg – I tell you, those things have such bad breath, but it sort of gets less amusing when you think about what it’s from – ”

     “What happened?” Levi cuts into her babble before he can stop himself. Hanji looks down, into the water of the basin. A little steam still rises from it, swirls with a puff of breath from the officer’s lips.

     “Well, I thought I was going to die. If it had let go then I would have just fallen straight into its mouth. But then… I was falling, but it was sort of sideways, like I was flying. And then I realised the titan was bleeding and that someone had me around the middle, and it was –”

     Levi looks to the floor, swiping his mop through the water in the hopes of drowning out – or simply drowning – the news of the person who had saved Hanji from the hands of the titan. But those two syllables are as easily heard as they were predicted, and Levi grits his teeth when she speaks her saviour’s name.

     “So what’s your relationship with him, then?” He tries – so hard – not to spit the words.

     “What do you mean?”

     Levi snorts. “He says you’re a ‘passionate person’.”

     Hanji’s eyebrows shoot up. “He really said that?” She laughs once, loudly. “He doesn’t pick his words well, does he? What, were you worried I’m in some sort of steamy secret affair with the guy?”

     “You’re flattering yourself.”

     “Hmm, maybe,” she says, but she still smiles. “My relationship with him is purely professional.”

     “Then what does he think you’re so passionate about?”

     “I’m sort of well-known for my three hour lectures on Titan theory.” A pause, then: “Levi.”

     He looks at her. She’s leaning back again, her arms and legs crossed and her mouth angled thoughtfully. “Can we have just one conversation that doesn’t turn into Erwin Smith Hour?”

     He shrugs, wringing out the mop again. “Dunno, can we?”

     “Don’t heckle with me.”

     “I thought you weren’t an officer while you’re ass-naked.”

     Hanji grumbles, but doesn’t retort.  Instead, she sets him with a hard gaze and blurts, “Tell me about you.”

     Carefully, Levi puts the mop back on the floor. “What do you want to know?”

     “Where are you from?”

     “A bunch of places.”

     Hanji thankfully glosses over his vague answer. “What’s your family like?”

     He clears his throat awkwardly, embarrassingly. He guesses he owes her something; she sort of told him about her family, after all. “Uh… If she hasn’t kicked it yet, mother’s a whore. I don’t reckon my dad is the actual guy who gave her the juice, but he runs her.”

     “’Runs’?”

     “Y’know.” He doesn’t elaborate, and Hanji doesn’t press. He guides her away from his past with a quick switch. “What about you, why are you so interested in titans?”

     Unbelievably, she splutters. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

     “Uh –”

     “Aren’t you curious about the things that’re keeping us here?”

     “If I were you I’d be a bit more –”

     “Scared? Cautious?”

     “Well –”

     “When’s your birthday, Levi?” She says suddenly. Levi stares at her, brow knotted and mouth open. When he replies it’s with an incredulous stammer.

     “D-December twenty-fifth, but –”

     “And you’ll be nineteen, right?”

     “Yeah?”

     “Honey, I was nineteen when I got dangled over a titan.” She says the words flatly, but not unkindly. “At the time I didn’t think I was going to live to see the next minute go by.”

     Levi sighs and swipes up another puddle. “What’s your point?”

     “I’m so interested in them because I can’t bear not knowing.”

     “You do know that once you’re dead you won’t be able to regret not sticking your hand in titan shit, right?”

     Hanji stands up then, and when Levi looks into her face a bolt of pure fear shreds down his spine. Her eyes are aflame, nostrils flaring and lips parted just enough to make her subject want to curl in shame.

     “I told you about my mother, didn’t I?” she says in a voice too calm for the black aura rising from her skin. “How she died searching for my brother’s cure? She never found it. My brother’s disease took her life in the same way it’s going to take his. I don’t want that to be me.” She jabs a thumb into her chest. “I can’t ever slack, even if nobody else takes me seriously. I can’t stop learning because there might come a day when I don’t know something, and it might cost someone their life. And I can’t _bear_ that, I can’t –” Her words crumble and break. The steam is gone from the room, and Levi watches the shivering woman standing in the cold water of the basin.

     After a few moments, when he is sure his voice isn’t going to crack, Levi asks, “How old are you, officer?”

     Hanji looks at him through her dripping cold hair. She brings her arms up to hug herself, and Levi can see goosebumps on her skin.

     “I’m twenty-two.”

     Levi nods and looks down. He isn’t sure what to do with this information, or if anything could even be done with it, but there seems to be a certain distant warmth in him now that he knows this one small thing. He rubs his chest absently.

     Hanji sniffs, rubbing her arms, and steps out of the basin. “Get this cleared up and go back to the barracks. Long day of training tomorrow.”

     “Yes, ma’am,” Levi mutters, not without sincerity, but she’s already gone.

     He finishes mopping the washroom and the overrun into the hallway in silence before pouring the dirty floor water from the pail into the large basin and leaving it to drain while he buffs the taps – and the outside of the basin for good measure – with Smith’s handkerchief. He closes the door behind him when he leaves, as if hoping to trap in there everything that has transpired in the last hour, and he’s halfway across the trainee courtyard before he realises he tucked the handkerchief into his trouser pocket upon leaving the officers’ building.

     Levi lays in his bunk that night, arms and legs aching with the events of the day and evening, and thinks about Officer Hanji Zoe. He falls asleep contemplating all the things that stoke the fire in her eyes, and what in the small world it would feel like to save a life with a thought.

**Author's Note:**

> There's very likely to be more tags and more relationships as I write this, and the 104th division will be in it at some point. I haven't really got a plan for this other than some scenes I want to write, but I'll try to get a chapter a week up!


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